HOWEVER, in a Wisekraken EXCLUSIVE, we obtained audio from Queen Elizabeth's quarters the night before the news broke. We have transcribed that tape for you:
Palace Guard: Sounds great, your highness.
QE: Although I must admit they tasted quite like rubbish.
QE: Actually, I'm finding it rather difficult to distinctly pinpoint how long ago that was. Good heavens! It feels like ages ago!
PG: [Sigh] Yes your highness, you have lived a long and wonderful life.
QE: WHY ARE YOU MELTING!?
PG: E-excuse me your highness?
QE: Ugh... enough with the "your highness" shit, just talk man. Talk, and explain to me why you insist on melting into the carpet! WOAH! Look at the carpet! That shit looks nuts!
PG: A-are you... and forgive me for asking this... are you tripping balls right now!?
QE: NO. We are all tripping. At all times! It's just a matter of how in tune with the rest of the universe you are, man. You know what I'm saying?
QE: You know who's the real treasure of England?
PG: ...no. Who?
QE: Fuckin' Led Zepplin, man. I just realized how goddamn good they are.
PG: I won't disagree, I just... UH. Your hi- I mean, Queen..er.. Liz? Stop knocking over all the expensive china.
QE: IT'S ALL AN ILLUSION! YOU AREN'T A GUARD! YOU ARE JUST MOLECULES!
PG: Fuck this shit. I don't get paid enough to watch some inbred, thousand year old lady find the meaning of life...
**footsteps walking away**
**Five minutes pass**
Queen Elizabeth: I found the most peculiar fungi in the royal garden today!
**end of tape**
By: Jim Capie
*sharing makes the world go 'round*